I was just talking to a client who identifies as a major people pleaser.
They love taking care of people - so much so, that their first thought is always what the other person thinks
Here’s something we realized during their session: my client wasn’t spending any time focusing on what they actually think.
They’re so wrapped up in everyone’s feelings, and doing the “right” thing, that their own feelings have taken a complete backseat.
Here’s the problem with only focusing on what someone else wants:
I had this crazy thing happen to me last week.
It was the first week of my group course, and I asked everyone why they were there.
A lot of them said they joined because they were a big fan of me.
It wasn’t about the course at all for them - they just wanted the opportunity to do some coaching with me.
I was pretty shocked, because I don’t feel particularly interesting, different, or worth following on your average day.
But I’ve experienced this a lot in my business - when I show up as my fullest self, people and opportunities gravitate towards me.
I want to tell you about an incredible former client of mine, Clare.
Clare came to me in January. She had a full time job, but had dreams of becoming a coach.
She had told herself that she wasn’t the kind of person who couldn’t commit to things, wouldn’t be financially successful enough if she became a coach, and the list goes on. She was paralyzed by fear and old stories that were no longer serving her.
I talked to a few women this week who have recently taken on new roles.
They feel behind, they don’t know what they don’t know, and they’re not sure if they’re actually up to snuff.
To put it simply, they’ve got a ton of imposter syndrome.
I want to tell you what I told them, because I know you need to hear this too:
You are not an imposter just because you don’t know everything!
Stop trying to do it all on your own.
Here’s what’s going on for you right now. You’ve got a goal that you want to achieve, but you’re just not making the kind of progress you’re craving to make.
You feel like something’s wrong like someone has to have the answers, and for some reason, it’s just not you.
But you’re not reaching out for support, and you’re insistent on figuring it out on your own.
I have a client right now who I think you’ll relate to.
This client wants to make a big change in his life.
He lives in a city that he hates, and has a job that bores him.
He came to me saying that he doesn’t know what he wants to do...but I realized pretty quickly that that’s not true.
He wants a simpler life, where he can do his art. He wants variety in his days, and the freedom to live where he wants.
I had a nightmare last night that shook me to my core.
In this dream, I lost my father.
My father and I are best friends. We talk every day. He’s the most important person in the world to me, and the person who understands me most.
Losing him is something I don’t brush off easily, because based on his entire immediate family’s track record, he only has a few years left before his health fails.
Can I keep it real for a second?
There is rarely a time in my business where I take an action and I know that it is 100% going to work out.
I have a good idea that if I do “x”, I might get “y” result, but really, every step I take is an experiment.
When it works out, it feels incredible.
But just as often as things do work out for me, things don’t work out.
And you know what...when it doesn’t work out, it sucks.
It's really easy to give up in those moments, and just want to hide underneath the covers and never try again.
It can be really tough putting yourself out there.
Perhaps you get so nervous networking, that you don’t even go to the events.
Maybe you struggle to assert your opinions in conversation because you’re worried they might be wrong.
You spend so much time rehearsing in your head, that you miss your time frame to make the sales calls you need to get those new clients.
Perhaps you’re spending so much time being silent in meetings, that it’s become totally comfortable for you.
You have a hard time figuring out what would be that exciting thing you’ve been waiting for...while also being realistic for your life.
You have a hard time seeing what you could offer, which makes it hard for you to feel confident moving forward in your goals.
You have trouble putting yourself out there, so no one knows about your goals and you’re not getting the support you need.
Oh, and on top of all of that, you’re still exhausted, swamped, and you just don’t have the time to make progress.
Am I speakng your language?
If so, I made something for you.
It’s called Get Unstuck
Do yourself a favor and stop thinking.
Right now, you have a goal you want to achieve, but you’re not sure how to make progress.
You spend a lot of time thinking about the goal, and realizing you don’t know what the right first step to take is.
Can I tell you a secret?
I don’t care if you take the RIGHT first step, and neither should you.
There have been more times than I could count when I felt shame about how much I feel about everything. Literally, everything.
But here’s what I’ve learned over the years: emotions are nothing to be ashamed of. They are nothing to hide from. They are nothing to fear.
You’re really aware of all of the things you do wrong, mess up, and could improve upon every day - but when it comes to focusing on what you do well...your brain is crickets.
if you’re never failing, you’re 100% playing it safe. You’re either consistently doing what works, or only making small, incremental changes, instead of taking the huge leaps that really change your life.
You’re not like everyone else.
You want something different. You want something bigger, bolder, and way off the beaten path.
Your wants and needs feel indulgent, crazy, and you feel like no one is going to get it.
I want you to know that I get it.
You have a really long running list of things you have to do and ways you’re letting yourself down. You feel completely overwhelmed in life. Think about those things that you must do today only.
You know those times when you want to do something, but you’re REALLY worried about what might happen? Your thoughts are racing, and you can only focus on how it might go wrong.
A huge reason why you don’t feel confident is that you aren’t celebrating your wins.
I’m not talking about going to nice dinners, trips to Fiji, or spa days. (Though lets be real, those are nice.)
I’m talking about daily acknowledgement of the productive things you are doing.
I just had the shittiest week I’ve had in a long while. I recently experienced a rare moment of failure in my business, and instead of brushing it off, I ruminated over it for a long ass time. I let it take over my weekend, and most of my week.
I know you’re stressed. You have too much on your plate, and what you really want is more free time in your life where you can focus on you, relax, and just enjoy life.
Let’s get one thing 100% straight: Your anxiety does not help you.
Putting a ton of pressure on yourself does not motivate you. Being critical of yourself does not make you better.
The only reason you don’t have the success you want is because you don’t trust yourself. Lack of self-trust manifests in a lot of different ways. Click here to learn more.
My first year in business, everything came easily to me.
I was never at a loss for clients, my business grew steadily, and I was charging a good rate. I earned enough to cover all of my tuition expenses for my coaching program, and my revenue exceeded my very sensible hopes and dreams.
The parts of your life that you’re unhappy with are completely, and entirely your fault.*
The job you feel stuck in, the habits you haven’t started, the 2,000 commitments that you can’t say no to - it’s all on you, seriously.
Stop focusing on your end goals.
Never thought you’d hear me say that, huh?
I know that taking risks is really hard for you.
The second you want to make a change, you get caught up all the “what if’s”.
You are important.
We’re all taught from a young age that to be selfish is a problem, and to be selfless is a virtue.
But we are never taught the in-between.
You need to be your absolute first priority.
It is not selfish.
It is natural.
And it is necessary.
I’m going to drop a truth bomb on you: The idea that you’re always supposed to be productive, energetic, working out, creative, etc., is a nothing more than a myth.
Actually, lets call a spade a spade: it’s a big fat lie.
Society has sold us a fantasy of what our “perfect” life should look like - and that perfect life includes doing all the things we’re “supposed” to do all. the .time. So if we’re not meditating, saying our gratitudes, working productively, exercising, and cooking and cleaning religiously, we feel like we’re doing something wrong.
I want to tell you a little tale about my best friend, Beth, who has been gracious enough to let me share her story with you.
For the past few years, one of Beth’s greatest struggles has been managing her free time.
#1 - She always feels like there’s way too many things to do.
#2 - She feels like she has to do the “responsible” things from her to-do list first.
#3 - She spends so much time procrastinating on doing the “responsible” things, that she never gets to the fun stuff.
#4 - As a result of numbers 1-3, Beth rarely feels good about how she spends her evenings & weekends.
What’s your current money mindset?
When you think about money, what feelings come up for you? If that’s tough, think about your goals and how money impacts your success. Do you get anxious? Do you get angry? Don’t judge yourself, but just become aware - this is your current money mindset.
Now that we know where you are, let’s figure out what you truly want and need.