The first step to stop people-pleasing
I was just talking to a client who identifies as a major people pleaser.
They love taking care of people - so much so, that their first thought is always what the other person thinks.
Here’s something we realized during their session: my client wasn’t spending any time focusing on what they actually think.
They’re so wrapped up in everyone’s feelings, and doing the “right” thing, that their own feelings have taken a complete backseat.
Here’s the problem with only focusing on what someone else wants:
No one is focusing on what you want, because the truth is, most people are taking care of what they want first and foremost.
So while you’re planning your family’s vacation, or pulling extra hours at work, or ordering lightbulbs on Amazon because it’s “easier for you to do it,” the people you’re taking care of have the time to do the things you actually want to do like going to the gym, taking a nap, reading a book, etc.
Listen, I love that you like to take care of others. I like to do it too, and it’s really kind of you.
That being said, it’s time for you to be kind to yourself. It’s time for you to listen to your needs.
It’s your job to take care of yourself, and no one else. Trust me, they’re already taking care of themselves. And if they’re not, you are doing them a disservice by not empowering them to do so. (Think about it - when’s the last time you overcame a challenge and did a task you don’t normally do? I bet it felt really good to accomplish it afterward.)
Want to take the first step in focusing on you?
Here’s the homework assignment I gave my client, that you can do as well:
When you notice yourself focusing on what the other person wants, or what the right thing to do is, flip the script.
Ask yourself, “What do I think about this? What do I want? What’s the best thing for me?”
Why should you do this? Because when you start noticing what you need, want, and what’s best for you, it’s going to get harder and harder to ignore it.
Suddenly, you’ll be so aware of your needs, that you’ll have to take care of them.
Practice doing what’s best for you once a week, and see what kind of impact it has on your life.
I bet it’ll be revolutionary.